Wonderful
by Seadragon
Summary: When things are everything but wonderful, how would you deal? Could you deal?


**Title:** Wonderful

**Author:** Seadragon

**Genre:** Angst/Drama

**Characters:** James Potter, Sirius Black.

**Rating:** pg-13

**Warnings:** Implied slash.

**Credit to:** _Everclear_, for this wonderful song, aptly titled _Wonderful_. _JK Rowling_, for creating a truly magical world for us to find a sort of relief in, I am eternally in your debt. 

**Story Notes:** Alright, this is extremely AU. This is a story where James died at seventeen, and Remus, Peter, and Lily are already dead. Don't like it, don't read it. And don't flame it, because, as I said, I won't care. Just don't bother, it's a waste of time on your part. You could be writing. And I don't care if you say "_But I don't have any inspiration…_" That's the excuse of a lazy person. I didn't have any inspiration for this story, I just knew I liked this song, and wanted to write a story for it. Which I did. _I just wrote_. (Which is probably why it sucks so much). _I just wrote._

**Author Notes:** Hey people, I missed writing one-shots, with nothing holding you back, no plot lines, or plans. So, here is one last one before I completely immerse myself in a few choice stories. For those of you who are wondering which these will be, I should hope it is obvious. _The Last Stand,__ ME: Trapt,_ Trojan, The Best Years of Our Lives_,_ The Forgotten Shall Rise_, and_ Tortallan Truth or Dare_. Chapters will go up regularly, so no worries! But, as I said, I had to write one last stand alone. And, I will miss this style of writing. No holds barred. Let the words flow. And for anyone who is wondering what I am talking about by relief, that is my story, and mine alone, for no other ears or eyes. So don't even bother. And with out further ado…_

That shall be all,

_Seadragon_.

- - - - -

_I close my eyes when I get too sad   
I think thoughts that I know are bad   
Close my eyes and I count to ten   
Hope it's over when I open them   
  
_

"I've got to go. They don't understand what's happening. I have to help. _You understand that right?"_

I always wanted to tell you no, to say I didn't. I didn't understand why you let them pull you away from me. I didn't understand why we couldn't live peacefully, not having to be afraid, and watch our every movement. I didn't understand _why any of this was happening._

But I never did. And for that I am sorry. I could have saved you.

_I could have saved you_ and I didn't. I know you left me doing something that mattered to you, something that you cared about, something that you were all to willing to give everything for.

And that thing was life.

You would give all you had up for others right to live. And for that I will never forgive you. Because, what about me? I'm not really living. It's more of a semblance of life. Because, life ended when you did.

  
_I want the things that I had before   
Like a Star Wars poster on my bedroom door   
I wish I could count to ten   
Make everything be wonderful again   
  
_

We could have saved each other. It would all be alright then. We could have let others save the world, and just live for ourselves. But you never could have done that. It wasn't your style.

Well, screw style.

Because, now, you're gone, gone where I can't follow. And you know what? It's killing me. I'll never understand.

Ever.

I could hide behind you, and pretend it was all fine. That you were fine, and I was fine. That life was going to continue like it had for the past seventeen years. Because you were all I had left. I could forget everything else, and just hold on to what was left.

It shouldn't have been this hard. What did we ever do? 

  
_Hope my mom and I hope my dad   
Will figure out why they get so mad   
Hear them scream, I hear them fight   
They say bad words that make me wanna cry   
  
_

And now, I am the only one left of something that was undeniably good.

_He_ will pay. He has taken everything I lived for. _Everything. I used to have not a care in the world, no worries, nothing dragging on my conscience. But now, I don't even __remember the good times. And why should I?_

Every time I do, it's like someone has taken a knife, and drove it through my heart. It's like nothing will ever be right again.

Which it won't.

How can it? You're all gone, and you aren't coming back. Once, this world had some hope. But now? Now, now it has despair. I think everyone knows, on some level, that this is a war we can't win.

Our only chance is gone.

  
_Close my eyes when I go to bed   
And I dream of angels who make me smile   
I feel better when I hear them say   
Everything will be wonderful someday   
  
_

If I close my eyes, I can pretend that nothing changed. That you're all here. My heart soars, and I begin to hope again.

But when I open them, there is just farther to fall.

One by one he took you. Stole you away from me. Tarnished our hope. Until, he broke it. He broke hope, the last thing we had left. He just took it, and destroyed it. He just took it, and annihilated it. And he left me. Just me.

I can't even pretend that it's all okay. It's hard when you're all alone, with nothing to keep you hear. Nothing to make you wish to stay alive. Nothing to make you plead for life.

Because I have nothing.

So I will give everything.

I may be the last, but I don't intend to stay that way for long. All they will have is a memory. Of what once was good, of what once was great. Of what we once were. But, like everything else, I don't have it anymore. This war is going to be the end of nothing and everything, all at once, and I don't think I could handle that.

So, I will give everything.

  
_Promises mean everything when you're little   
And the worlds so big   
I just don't understand how   
You can smile with all those tears in your eyes   
Tell me everything is wonderful now   
  
_

They tell me it isn't right.

That it isn't worth it.

But do they understand? No, of course not. They are the ones that took you from me. Do they understand I have _nothing_ left? Nothing to hold onto? Nothing to achieve? Because there is no point in doing something great if you cant share it with someone. And I don't have someone. I had you.

And it is worth it.

There is no reason for me to be here. None at all. Do they hear my screams? No. Do they feel my pain? No. Why would they?

I think they know that if I go, so does the last tie to something that could have changed everything is gone at last. And they don't want to have to face this alone. But they really don't understand that that is how I feel. I _am facing this alone._

  
_Please don't tell me everything is wonderful now   
  
_

I'm only seventeen. And I'm ready to end my life. I've lived for too long. So, I will go out blazing. Like you did. Just like you did. I won't just be put out like everyone else. We all know its coming. _He_ won't let us live.

But I feel no fear. Just a momentary relief. And even that is better than the pain I have been feeling ever since the first fell. _What did we do?_

Everyone out there tells me they understand, they know what I'm going through.

Do they?

No. They don't. They just don't.

I've seen things they couldn't even imagine. I've been places they couldn't believe. I've suffered things that are enough to break anyone.

And I broke.

Not the way other people do, but I still broke. But I'm proud of it. I won't be one of those people who go around saying they are undefeatable, because they survived it, and came out sane. Because I'm not.

  
_I go to school and I run and play   
I tell the kids that it's all okay   
I laugh aloud so my friends won't know   
When the bell rings I just don't wanna go home   
  
_

And I am alone.

  
_Go to my room and I close my eyes   
I make believe that I have a new life   
I don't believe you when you say   
Everything will be wonderful someday _  
  
  


So, there is one thing to do. Just one. I'll do my bit, and then I'll go out with a bang, something to remember me by.

I won't just be "Sirius Black, Marauder." 

I'll be,

  
_No   
No, I don't wanna hear you tell me everything is wonderful now   
No   
No, I don't wanna hear you tell me everything is wonderful now   
  
_

"Sirius Black, the _last Marauder."_

"And then they were gone. Faded from life, but not memory." The old man settled back in his chair.

The little boy sitting on his lap leaned back, his eyes wide.

"Wow." He said at last. "What happened to him Grandpa?"

The old man sighed. "He died."

Harry Black, son of James Black, looked at his grandfather. "That's not how stories are supposed to end."

"I know. Believe me, I know."

  
_I don't wanna hear you say   
That I will understand someday   
No, no, no, no   
I don't wanna hear you say   
You both have grown in a different way   
No, no, no, no   
I don't wanna meet your friends   
And I don't wanna start over again   
I just want my life to be the same   
Just like it used to be   
Some days I hate everything   
I hate everything   
Everyone and everything   
Please don't tell me everything is wonderful now...   
  
_

The old man's daughter in law called to the pair from the kitchen.

"Harry! Sirius!"

The little boy looked up at the man again. "Who's she talking about Grandpa?" He had never heard his grandfather called anything but Mr. Black, or Dad, or Grandpa. He had never questioned it, or wondered what his hero's first name was.

"Me."

The wheels in the four-year-olds mind began to spin furiously. "Sirius… Black?" He asked tentatively.

"That's me Harry, that's me, Sirius Black."

"I thought you said he died." The poor boy was confused now, and his mother in the kitchen was getting curious as to where they were. Usually you couldn't keep the pair away from the table.

"He did."

  
_I don't wanna hear you tell me everything is wonderful now_


End file.
